By Sara Gordon
Throughout the course of Scott Shepherd’s life, his mind had always been plagued by chronic, inescapable fear and doubt. His negative thoughts became a constant cycle of “what ifs,” fear of failure and concern over letting those in his life down.
That all changed during his first morning meditation session as part of the Stable Recovery program, when he stroked the nose of a mare on layup named Princess Warrior (Midshipman). After this encounter, his mind became peacefully quiet.
“I’ll never forget when I saw her. It was like all of the past regret, all of the fear of the future, everything just went away. For the first time in my life, my full attention was right there. It was like I didn’t have all of this going on. It was magic,” said Shepherd.
However, 22 years ago Shepherd, overwhelmed by all of that noise in his head, chose a different path to achieve peace. At 13 years of age, he took his first pain pill.
“From that moment, that’s all I focused on. Taking the pain pills, I wasn’t nervous, I felt a part of [something]. I could breathe,” he recalled. “I hated myself as a kid. I don’t know why. My mind never stopped. I was always worried about everything and just hated me, hated who I saw in the mirror, and the drugs helped that.”
Shepherd is the first to admit he had a great childhood. Growing up in Northern Kentucky, he was surrounded by family, friends and opportunities. But there was something internal, deep down inside of him, that wouldn’t allow Shepherd to be fulfilled by any of it. And once the pain pills came into the picture, it was the euphoria of the numbing effect they provided that washed away the fear, and consequently fractured relationships with people in his life.
“Back then, I didn’t need money. I could order a pizza and pay with pills. I could go to the gas station and pay for my gas with pills. Everybody used them and they were so easy to get. And then, when [law enforcement] cracked down on pain pills, that’s when the heroin started,” he said.
Though the addiction made Shepherd feel like he was finally afloat, reality soon sunk in and sunk him. He spent time in and out of jail after being arrested for a variety of charges. Despite the shame and guilt that comes with being incarcerated, Shepherd acknowledged there were some benefits to it, such as the substance abuse program. However, the most personal benefit for him was meeting Jo Martin.
“She started a non-profit offering free tattoo removal for people who are incarcerated. I met her when I was in jail and she saw something in me that I couldn’t. She tutored me, encouraged me to get my GED, helped me get into treatment and found me a job when I got out. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never made it,” said Shepherd.
But entering treatment was just the first step as Shepherd struggled with finding purpose in an experience he described simply as ‘sitting somewhere and having someone tell me how to stay clean.’
“I wasn’t planning on making it [to treatment]. I was planning on dying before I got there. I told myself I was either going to really do something different, do it to the fullest, or I’m going to go out and die,” said Shepherd.
After spending time in a majority of the treatment centers in Northern Kentucky, his breaking point hit after a heated argument with his then girlfriend. It was that incident that drove him to take a walk with a darker purpose, as his hand dialed the number of his sponsor while his mind zeroed in on finding the next high. At the time, Shepherd had been sober for nine months.
“In my mind I thought, ‘I’m going to call him, I’m going to call my sponsor before [I do it]. He’s not going to answer me, but at least I can say I tried.’ It was the first time I ever called my sponsor first and he answered,” said Shepherd.
That sponsor was Mike Lowery, someone Shepherd had met during treatment, who had gone on to participate in and graduate from the Stable Recovery program and Taylor Made’s School of Horsemanship. It was Lowery and Josh Franks, in the Stable Recovery program at the time, that stepped up for Shepherd when he needed support the most.
“Mike and Josh drove to Shelbyville to pick me up, the same day that Josh’s mom died. I remember sitting in the backseat and this guy is saying his mom passed away, but he’s here trying to help me. It really stuck with me, those two coming to help me the day Josh’s mom passed away, and I think it helped Josh a lot, too.”
Shepherd started his new chapter at Stable Recovery on August 25, 2022. For the first time, he felt like he wasn’t just being told how to stay clean, but instead, truly being shown how to live sober.
“Getting clean is not our problem. I did not have a drug problem; I had a drug solution. I was the problem,” said Shepherd.
That change in lifestyle resonated most with Shepherd during his time spent in the barn in the company of the horses. Within months, he transitioned from working on the farm to joining trainer Will Walden’s team at the track. It was Walden’s influence that helped build Shepherd into a horseman.
“Anywhere that I’ve been on the racetrack, none of the owners ever came up to me and asked me about my background. They didn’t ask anything about my past. They only asked me about the horses.”
From his time at the track to the broodmare and foaling divisions he worked in upon his return to Taylor Made, Shepherd dealt with his fair share of dark moments. However, there was one constant that kept him going, and that was the horses.
“I decided to do a foaling season which is probably hands-down the coolest thing in the industry I’ve ever done. I loved it. It was crazy that Juju’s Map’s first foal [in 2024] was my first foal. Mike and I were there foaling Flightline‘s first foal ever, two ex-junkies, and they’re trusting us to do that. It’s hard to put into words what that meant,” said Shepherd.
But the “right words” aren’t necessary when it comes to understanding the profound impact the program, and the horses, have had on Shepherd. Sitting across from him in the conference room at Taylor Made, you can feel the gratitude and newfound hope emanate from him as he shares his story.
“People coming from my background, we have all kinds of trust issues. We don’t trust anybody. But outside of the stall, I learned that I don’t have to trust everybody in the world, I just need to be somebody that people can trust,” said Shepherd. “[The horses] really taught me how to be in the moment. Trying to keep their fear in mind has helped me so much because I’m not worried about my fear, I’m focused on them.”
Last year, Shepherd made the transition from the barn to the office, where the 35-year-old father of two now works full-time as the Public Sales Operations Assistant. The role revolves around setting up and organizing the consignment at every sale, and though his professional priorities have shifted from looking out for the horses to looking out for the people on his team, Shepherd appreciates the responsibility.
“It’s easy for me when I’ve got six barns to set up, all the welcome centers, all the stuff I have to order and everyone’s needing a million things, to feel like it’s just me that it’s hectic for, but it’s hectic for everybody. In this position, I feel like I can try to make it a little easier on everyone,” said Shepherd.
Where words fall short, Shepherd’s actions don’t. From his time in jail to his experiences in the treatment centers, to his time in Stable Recovery and each role he’s held in the industry, Shepherd has finally found a passion that fuels him in every aspect of his life. And this year, on March 28, he will celebrate three years of sobriety.
“I’ve been to many treatment centers, but it’s the perfect balance of people and the horses [here at Stable Recovery]. It’s different,” he said. “[Josh] once told me, ‘I want everybody to have a look on their face like you did when you first saw Princess Warrior.’ But you can’t force that. I feel like in a weird way, that’s how God works. I’m not a religious person by any means, but I do know that there is something out there that has kept me level-headed and brought me to these horses.”
Learn more at The Road Back: Horses Guide Shepherd Back From The Brink